JEN’S BREAKING BAD BARBECUE BINGE
(With apologies to both Pioneer Woman and Thug Kitchen)
Ingredients
4 – 5 pounds of pork shoulder/Boston butt–Stacey could likely tell you the difference between the two cuts, but for my purposes, they are interchangeable
12 oz. (ish) bottle of root beer–good bottled root beer, like the fancy craft-brewed stuff, and not bullshit mass-produced root beer, because it makes a difference
1 bottle of your favorite barbecue sauce–I like the hickory flavored, mass-produced Sweet Baby Ray’s, which neatly makes up for my craft-root-beer-snobbery
Directions
Cut your butt (heh) into four equal portions and place them in a cold slow cooker. Dump root beer over them. Cover and turn on high. Walk away for six hours whilst the magic happens. Maybe you could see a movie or something. If you want, you can flip the pieces at the three hour mark, but if you have better things to do, that’s okay, too.
After six hours, your house will smell freaking amazing, yet your pot will be full of gelatinous lumps of grayish brown meat bobbing merrily along in horrible mystery liquid. Don’t run out of the room to order a pizza – I assure you that this is okay.
With a slotted spoon, fish out the dubious hunks of flaccid pork and set aside. Dump the terrible liquid down the sink ASAFP, ignoring your three dogs’ imploring gazes. They do not need to taste the fatty root beer juice, no matter how hard they beg.
Put the drained meat back into the slow cooker and using two forks, shred the pork. If your pork doesn’t essentially fall apart the second you touch it, then it didn’t cook long enough and you already tossed the liquid, so I’m sorry, but you’re probably going to want to order that pizza now. Perhaps I should have said something sooner.
As you shred the pork, you will think, “Huh. Those gelatinous gray hunks appear no more appetizing in shredded form. Also, this smells a bit like wet dog.” Again, fear not, dear Taylor – this is all part of the process. This is when you squeeze in your entire bottle of delicious sauce and you perpetrate your second miracle of the day.
At this point, you can set your slow cooker to simmer and enjoy your barbecue whenever you’re ready to serve it, or you can stand over it with both of your dirty forks and shovel it directly into your mouth.
Really, either option works.
If you’re feeling fancy, I’d suggest serving the pork on a pretzel roll, topped with red cabbage slaw, but again, the double fork method works equally well. This barbecue will go all Jesus-with-the-fishes-and-loaves on you and no matter how much you eat, you’ll have more leftover because five pounds of pork really is a lot of meat.